The Price of Redemption
by AliKat7
Summary: Celebrimbor, only grandson of Fëanor, spends the ages seeking redemption for his sins and the sins of his family.


_Thanks so much to Oshun, Robinka and Pandemonium. And of course, thanks to Darth Fingon for his help with Quenya._

_I chose to use the Sindarin name for the characters who would be in Middle Earth later on in the story. Some people who aren't as familiar with the mother names, father names, Quenya names, etc might get confused if I used anything other than what was in the Silmarillion._

_Elvish - All Quenya  
Haru – Grandfather  
Ammë – Mother  
Haruni - Grandmother_

* * *

Stretching his long legs, Celebrimbor exhaled a deep sigh when Lómemírë kissed him on the forehead. "Do not get too content. You know we must return before either one of us is missed." He could tell without opening his eyes that she was smiling down at him as her fingers played with his hair.

"I know. I know. Let us not speak of it again and perhaps it will stop being true." He smirked.

Before Lómemírë could retort, he moved quickly from his reclined position to sit up and pull her into his embrace then lay back down again, with her beside him. He draped a thick arm around her waist to prevent her from moving as she laughed her marvelous laugh. It warmed his blood and he knew if he went deaf tomorrow he would still remember the sound of her laugh.

Celebrimbor knew that his family would never approve of her, especially his father and grandfather. She was one of Fingolfin's people, related by marriage to his cousins. Since his grandfather had been banished from Tirion, they had cut the ties to his great-uncles and their people, dividing the Noldor. He had met her before the banishment, but it was not until they had been separated for a long period of time that he realized the strength of his feelings for her.

It had been her laughter that had drawn him to her. Lómemírë had been walking through the streets with her friends and her laughter had carried over the sounds of the city. Stopping what he was doing, Celebrimbor followed her without thinking for a long time until she was finally alone, hoping to hear more of her laughter.

In his house, there was little joy. His parents had grown estranged soon after he was born due to Curufin's unfaltering loyalty to Fëanor. His mother, Nyéremartë, withdrew from Celebrimbor, after seeing his skills in the forge, feeling he was his father's son. She spent more time with her family than her own son. Curufin's wanted his son to be like him in every way, just as he was like Fëanor. Celebrimbor, feeling the pressure, found it easier to do as his father expected rather than cause any trouble.

Following Lómemírë was out of character for Celebrimbor, who had few friends due to his father's relentless teachings in the forge. He had grown quiet over time much like his mother. But the laughter of this woman filled such a void in him, he could not help himself.

She was a tiny thing, much shorter than her friends. Her dark hair was braided very simply down her back to her waist. Even her clothing was completely unexceptional. But he noticed she frequently moved her hands about a lot when she spoke and he found himself captivated by her hands. They were delicate like those of a child, and he thought if he were to squeeze one too hard, it would surely break. He was fascinated with what those hands could do. He felt almost ashamed as he became aroused with the thought of her hands on his body.

Suddenly, she turned around and looked at him sharply. "Why are you following me?"

Celebrimbor took a step back, fearing he had scared her. He saw annoyance on her face rather than fear and spoke quickly. "I wanted to know your name."

"My name is Lómemírë, Celebrimbor."

"You know me?" Celebrimbor exclaimed in surprise.

"I have seen you many times with Aredhel, who is a friend of mine. But did you truly follow me to learn my name?"

"I…I…well, I…" Celebrimbor stammered.

After a moment Lómemírë smiled gently, appearing to take pity on him. "Would you like to walk with me? I am going to see Aredhel now and I am certain she would not mind your visit."

Celebrimbor was conflicted. He knew that he was due back at his father's forge with the new gloves his father had commissioned the tanner to make. He did not want to lose an opportunity to learn more about this beautiful woman.

"Yes. Yes, I would love to walk with you." Celebrimbor finally smiled shyly.

Over time Celebrimbor had overcome his shyness. Lómemírë made him feel better than he had ever felt in his life, alive and eager to spend every moment with her. He grew impatient in his studies and tried to find ways to avoid lessons whenever possible, in order to sneak off with her. Curufin often asked him what had come over him of late.

They had both agreed it was best to keep their friendship secret, for similar reasons. Celebrimbor knew his father would not approve of Lómemírë's humble family as well as their close relation to Fingolfin's family. She knew that her father thought ill of Curufin in particular due to an incident involving his attitude about his estranged wife.

After Fëanor's banishment to Formenos, Celebrimbor knew that his father and grandfather would consider it a complete betrayal by him if he chose to remain in Tirion or if he wished to wed Lómemírë. Honoring his family's wishes over his own desires, he too went into exile. Lómemírë begged him to stay with his mother and grandmother, Nerdanel, within the city but Celebrimbor would not dishonor his father nor risk Fëanor's wrath. He strongly thought that without his more reasonable uncles, Maedhros and Maglor, his grandfather would have fallen into madness completely over the Silmarils.

Celebrimbor hated the Silmarils. When Haru had proudly displayed them to his sons and Celebrimbor, everyone had been amazed. They all saw how fixated his grandfather had been with his creation. Celebrimbor had seen him in the forge working on them constantly to the point where he shut out everything; forgetting to eat, not sleeping, pulling away from all of his family. Anammë watched in sadness as her strained relationship with Fëanor grew even more distant. Celebrimbor loved Anammë and felt their common bond. Both observed in silence while others acted, usually rashly and to the great detriment of the family.

Anammë had refused to even acknowledge the Silmarils in the end. She told Celebrimbor that they were the final insult from Fëanor; creations he loved more than the seven gifts she had given him with all of her heart and fëa. Celebrimbor agreed silently. As his father and uncles gazed upon the Silmarils awestruck, he knew in his heart that they would be the ruin of the Noldor. When he had looked upon them, he did not see what others did; perfect, irreplaceable jewels. He saw madness and sorrow that chilled him to the marrow of his bones. When he glanced around at his family, he did not understand why they could not see, as he did, what horrors they would bring. Much like the swords they had made, the Silmarils would bring pain and death, not happiness. In the end, he closed his eyes and turned away from them without the others seeing and he never spoke of his feelings about them. He could not explain why these jewels affected him so but he had no desire to see them again.

Apart from her awhile, Celebrimbor knew he could not be separated from Lómemírë for long. He felt emptiness in his heart that grew unbearable. Even his uncles noticed he was becoming much like he had been before knowing her, quiet, withdrawn, and without purpose. In the forge he became so distracted that he was often a danger to himself, angering Curufin frequently. Finally when he could not take it a moment longer, he went back to Tirion in secret to find her.

Lómemírë refused to speak with him at first, unable to forgive his choosing his family over her. He slept in the forest outside the city but would sneak back to her house each day to beg and plead for her mercy. When she saw how miserable he was and knowing he was risking being caught, her resolve faded. Making excuses to her family, she went into the forest with him.

Having placed a silver ring on her finger, Celebrimbor then had held her hands tightly and said, "I give you this ring to represent my love for you as well as my promise to you that one day we would wed. This is all I have to give to you, my heart and my solemn vow, and I stand before you, merely a humble man, beseeching you to accept this ring. Will you pledge to me your love and vow to be my wife when Ilúvatar shows us that it is the time for us to join as one?"

Lómemírë had replied tearfully, "There will never be a day when I doubt my love for you and now you have pledged yourself to me, I know your heart as well. Yes. I vow to wed you and hope that, even though I know it will be a long time for us to wait and the days we are apart will seem endless, we will be united some day. I will wait for you, Celebrimbor, because I know there is no one I could love as I love you."

When he had kissed her and held her tightly in his arms, he knew he had found true happiness at last. She had been the missing piece of his heart and now whenever he thought of her, he felt it was so full it would burst with joy. He wished he could shout his love for her from the highest peak of the Pelóri Mountains. Instead he just showered it upon her at every opportunity they had to be together.

Since that day they had met in secret regularly. Celebrimbor knew that his father suspected something as Curufin made comments about his son's frequent disappearances. Eventually, he grew less interested in his son's whereabouts. Lómemírë had finally confided with her mother who strongly opposed the union at first until Lómemírë brought her mother to meet Celebrimbor a few times. After seeing her daughter's happiness and how much he cherished Lómemírë, she could say nothing ill of him. After all, it was not his fault who his family was and not all of the House of Fëanor was thought of poorly. Aredhel was also aware of the couple's meetings and aided her friend in convincing Lómemírë's mother of her cherished cousin's gentle fëa. Often her siblings and cousins wondered how Celebrimbor could possibly be Curufin's son with the temperament more akin to his older cousins, Finrod and Galadriel.

Lómemírë stretched and nudged Celebrimbor who was close to falling asleep. "You must go or you will be late."

Grudgingly, he rose and gathered their belongings, loading them on to their separate horses.

"Will you be coming to the festival tonight? I heard in town that the Valar have requested Fëanor to come. Perhaps this will be the end of this nightmare," Lómemírë asked, tentatively.

Celebrimbor shook his head. "No. Haru has forbidden us to attend. He will go but even Haru Finwë will not be going with him. I do not think that even if the Valar do resolve the issues between Fingolfin and Haru, he will not change his mind about his brother."

"But if the Valar lift his exile, some of your uncles will see that they are welcome back in Tirion. If that happens, surely the more rational ones will return, perhaps even your father…"

Celebrimbor turned and, seeing how hopeful she was, could not destroy that glimmer of hope she had for his father. He knew that his father would not return unless Fëanor bade him to or did so himself. Celebrimbor grew weary of the tension increasing in his family. It was consuming them, destroying them from inside. Sometimes he felt like he was being swallowed by the abyss caused by the division in the House of Finwë. Only when he was with Lómemírë did he feel he was able to breathe.

Wrapping his arms around her tightly, he inhaled the smell of her: delicate jasmine that always reminded him of her. "I hope you are right. Only time will tell, my love." Celebrimbor ran his hands down her back, tangling in her hair, wishing he could here forever.

"I wish you did not have to leave," she whispered into his chest. She always seemed to know what he was thinking. "We could run away, run to the beach and live in the caves along the surf."

"I could not take you from your family, those who love you. It would be selfish." Bending down to her, he nuzzled her neck, placing light kisses on the delicate flesh causing her to shiver.

"Is that the only reason? Would you leave your family?"

"I do not wish either of us to have to sacrifice all for the other. I want…" Celebrimbor sighed in frustration. "I wish things were different."

Lómemírë pulled away from him, turning her head but not before he saw a flash of anger. "But they are not different. A time will come where you will have to choose to stand on your own or give up what you want."

"Lómemírë, please. Just a little more time," he pleaded, knowing how tired she must be of hearing the same thing.

"Always you ask for more time! I am beginning to think it will always be this way!" She mounted her horse then continued, "Before this season is over, I want you to make a choice Celebrimbor. If you love me…"

"You know I do! Have I not vowed this to you?" Celebrimbor exclaimed, grabbing her horse's bridle.

"Then prove it. A silver ring and your words do not prove you and I will be joined soon or that we will not end up like your parents, divided due to your father's unwavering devotion to Fëanor. Do you not know that is my fear? That I will end up like your Ammë or Anammë, replaced by jewels or another spectacular creation? You are not like them but still...I cannot help my fears. You have proven your loyalty to your family over and over again. Now it is time to prove to me that you love me enough to stand up to them and be with me."

Celebrimbor grabbed her hand. "I love you. There is nothing I could create with these hands that could part us. I am not my father. I wish to marry you and create lives together, not jewels. The only jewel I will honor is you, my beloved, or our daughter, if we are so blessed. Do not leave me with angry words."

Lómemírë reached down and caressed his face. "Please Celebrimbor. Talk to your father tonight. I wish us to be together at last."

Closing his eyes tightly, he nodded. He had asked her for so much understanding and the time had come to tell his father of his love for Lómemírë. If his father begrudged him his own happiness, then Celebrimbor would no longer wait to be with his beloved.

Tonight while Haru was at the festival, he would tell his father he intended to marry Lómemírë. Kissing her when she bent down, he whispered, "Tonight I will tell him. And either he will welcome you into my life and into our family or I will leave and return to Tirion. Certainly my mother would give me a home until we marry."

"Your father loves you. He will see how much you love me and will not care about my family," Lómemírë smiled gently, stroking his face. She looked so lovingly at him in that moment he knew that it did not matter what his family thought. Lómemírë made him feel whole and he did not wish to part from her for even another night.

"Atar, I wondered if I might speak with you after supper," Celebrimbor said quietly.

"What is it? I have much work to be done in the forge as do you. Not to mention the fact you continue to wander off during the times when you should be working," Curufin did not slow his steps toward the dining hall.

"Atar, it is important."

Stopping in the hall, Curufin turned to face his son expectantly. Celebrimbor took a deep breath before speaking as calmly and rationally as he could manage.

"I have…there is…I mean," Celebrimbor stammered under his father's piercing eyes. Thinking of Lómemírë's face, he smiled slightly before he finally said, "I have been blessed to have found my beloved. We are betrothed and I wish to return to Tirion to be closer to her."

Curufin eyes registered shock for a moment before he asked, "And how long have you know this woman?"

"Since before we were exiled. She is a friend of Aredhel and…"

"Do you mean she is one of Fingolfin's people?" his father interrupted.

"Yes, Atar, she is but…"

"Have you gone mad?" Curufin grabbed his arm roughly and dragged him into an ante-chamber before the dining hall. "At a time like this you go against me, against your family? And for a woman who probably wishes to better her status by marrying a Noldorin prince. I have always thought you to be level-headed, Celebrimbor. I am disappointed by your lack of wits as much as your lack of loyalty."

Celebrimbor did not say anything for a minute, turning his head and studying the wall. When he returned his eyes to his father's he simply said, "I love her and she makes me happier than I have ever been despite all that we have had to go through to be together. Can you not once put my happiness before your opinion of what loyalty is? I was loyal when I continued to stay by your side when you and Ammë parted. It was loyalty when I sacrificed everything and came to Formenos. I have been loyal to you each and every day since then. But my fëa has been split in two because I know that to be with my beloved, I will have to leave my family. I knew you would never accept her into our family, even if I asked, no, even if I begged you. Will you, Atar? Will you accept that I love her enough to risk everything? But I still want your approval; I still want your blessing."

Curufin seethed in fury, his fingers digging into his son's arm. "I will never give my blessing for you to bind yourself to some little…strumpet."

Celebrimbor jerked his arm away from his father and took a step back. "Do not ever speak of the woman I love that way again. I had hoped I was wrong about you and you would love me enough to not make me choose between the two of you. It should come as no surprise that you are reacting this way. I have defended your loyalty to Haru for as long as I can remember. I realize now that my happiness means nothing to you and I was a fool to think it ever did."

As he started to leave the room, Celebrimbor heard his uncles in the hallway as his father screamed at him, "If you leave now, do not come crawling back when you realize how fleeting happiness is with a wife."

Maglor and Maedhros looked at Celebrimbor rather strangely as he turned in the doorway and answered his father. "Perhaps not for you and Ammë. But I am not you, thank the Valar."

Not waiting to hear his father's reply, Celebrimbor brushed past Maglor and went to his chambers to pack his things. His heart felt heavy because he had to leave on these terms. He knew his father was too stubborn to admit he was wrong so he could only hope that one day his father's temper would ease and he would forgive him.

Leaving the manor without saying anything to his uncles, Celebrimbor went toward the stable. He felt deep sorrow but the thought of Lómemírë kept him from turning back and attempting to talk to his father again. He knew it was useless. Curufin needed time to cool his temper. Perhaps his uncles would help his father to understand.

When he turned toward Tirion, Celebrimbor felt a chill of uneasiness run up his spine that had nothing to do with his argument with his father. The Two Trees were mingling their lights but a cloud of darkness moved swiftly toward the trees. He stood paralyzed with fear when the blackness soon covered all of Valinor. It took a few moments for him to realize that the light of the Two Trees was extinguished, a reality completely unthinkable until now. He waited for the light to return and when it didn't, his heart raced. What deviltry could have taken the light from Valinor? He did not know of any power great enough to do that other than the Ainur or Ilúvatar himself but he could not imagine why they would choose to do so. Confusion flooded him causing his inaction. The Two Trees' lights had always been there since the elves returned to Valinor long before his birth, and he felt unbalanced without their warming glow. He heard many voices from around him exclaiming their dismay. With halting steps, he left his horse and walked back to the manor, turning back again to look at where back to where Laurelin had blazed with golden radiance and Telperion had bathed the land with silver, only to find it a black void. He must warn his family at least. And then, he could find Lómemírë to assure she was safe.


End file.
